Sunday, November 18, 2012

Travis Lately

This post is LONG overdue!!! :(
and it's long....
 
My Travis is never, ever far from
my thoughts, mind and heart.....
plus I try to be with him as often as I can!
God blessed us AGAIN with an
awesome speech therapist
for the fall session at Baylor Speech. 
Travis truly gives speech his all...
even though it HAS to be, rather
it IS, the most frustrating process
ever.  Travis can't see results as
easily as we can.  Speech involves
so much more than "speech"!!!
He has to work SO hard at practicing
his swallowing and doing exercises
with his tongue. 
It.Is.A.Slow.And.Sad.Process.
with.absolutely.NO.guarantees.  :(
 
But look who goes at it with
110% AND a smile:)
Seeing that smile and hearing that laugh...
well, it's just unspeakable to me!!! ;)
I absolutely love our afternoons together
when it gets to be just him and me. 
I have fun with this handsome, sweet guy.......
And I know he loves being with
La Tante, too!!!  :)
Alison is his Speech Therapist this fall.
She is such a cool chick and we all
hit it off!  She gets Trav and
they have fun together...all the while
working VERY hard!!!
 
The first half of speech is spent in
individual...breathing, vowel prolongations,
swallowing, tongue exercises
and iPad practice (which Travis hates
since he just wants to TALK!).
Trav's swallowing and his tongue movement
have truly improved!  We are anxious for
another swallow study test to see
if that will show all of this hard work, too.
Travis does NOT want another
swallow study because each one has
been so disappointing.  I am PRAYING
that his next one coming up will
show at least some improvement. 
Travis needs to see that!!!
Travis will have a new speech
therapist in the spring.
We will miss Alison very much :(
It's amazing how God works out so many
details.  This whole Baylor speech thing
is a BIG deal...and it takes a big person
to be able to take on Trav and all the issues
he has against him as far as speech goes ~
plus his personality;) God knew we needed
Alecia for the first session & Alison for this one!
After individual therapy, we go to group.
Each person in group has a therapist
and we play games or partcipate in activities.
Not surprisingly Travis it the total cut-up
in the group! ;)  I'm always amazed and
comforted by people who come into
contact with Travis.  They can't help
but feel such sadness and heartbreak for him,
yet they also can't help but fall in love with
him all at the same time.  We really
are blessed by Trav's presence. 
 
I wish Travis could see as easily as we
can see WHY God would choose
someone like him to endure all of this?
A sweet friend recently posted this on
Trav's wall...it's SOOOOOOO true!!!
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
GOD GIVES HIS HARDEST
BATTLES TO HIS
STRONGEST SOLDIERS.
 
Saturday mornings, Travis does therapy
at Reach Therapeutic Riding Center. 
Lynna or Scott takes him to ride Simon.
He will be in a competition at Camp Hope
in December.  We can't wait:)
We love having Travis over whenever
we can.  He will come and watch a movie
with us or watch the Cowboys with Troy.
Unfortunately his eye sight has issues...
the one eye that had a blown pupil
throws off his balance and sight
and I think he has trouble staying focused
on the television :( He has 20/20 vision
which is a miracle, but we know that
he sees double and that he can't follow
along reading lines in a passage.
BREAKS my heart because he
 always loved to read so much. 
One Sunday after church,
he and Scott came over to watch 
the Cowboys.  I cracked up when
I noticed my two favorite T's
were dressed just alike!!!!!!
They are so funny together...
always talking about going toe to toe!
My favorite Aggie & my favorite Longhorn:)
 
 
Two years and three months after
Trav's accident and I'm still
BLOWN away by the way people
care and want to support our Superman.
It just happened to be Superhero Day
at MHS and my sweet friend's daughter
called the night before to see if I had
any Travis Superman shirts left.
This meant so much for Kolby to
want to wear this shirt to our school!  :)
A couple of weeks ago, Lynna and Travis
joined US for church:)  This was such a
HUGE deal.  I know that our church
prayed so diligently and BOLDLY
for Travis...even announcing his name
at the end of every service for months
After church on October 14th, I really
wanted to go and tell Pastor Toby that
Travis was going to be coming to
church the following Sunday.  But it
was that particular Sunday that
Pastor Toby had mentioned how
he felt sick.  I couldn't believe that
he even stood in the foyer to visit with the
 congregation after church and I seriously
almost went up to him but I felt
bad doing that knowing he felt sick.
That was the last Sunday Pastor
Toby stood in our church foyer
or stood at the pulpit to preach.  :(
I would have loved for him to
have seen Travis the next week....
You might notice the absense of a walker!!!
Travis is WALKING. 
It's not very balanced and unfortunately
he falls A LOT (and has made a couple
of ER trips for stitches), but nevertheless...
he is walking.  His therapists and
doctors think it is way too dangerous
and that he should be using his walker,
but sometimes there's no stopping Superman!;)
We actually usually put a gait belt on him
and we do great with that.  He and I have
only fallen a couple of times together;)
He showers by himself and moves about
the house with an assistant only having
to follow him.  He continues to
get on his treadmill to exercise once
or twice a day AND he lifts his weights!
 
 
We have SO much to rejoice over. 
SOOOOOOOOOO much:)))))
But we also shed so many tears.
Trav's struggles are many
People truly can't fathom what it's
like for Travis, Lynna, Hunter and Scott.
It's unfathomable the issues and
the struggles they endure every.
single.day.  It kills my soul:(
There are bouts of depression
and desperation for all of them.
There are issues with Trav's filter
which is lost with the TBI.
His sleeping patterns are awful...
he is up most mornings by
4 am and never goes back to sleep until
that night (when given a sleeping aid).
There's more that I could never
 bring myself to share on here.
Travis is terribly lonely.  He sits in
a chair or lays on his bed
most of the day other than
when he showers or exercises.
I try to go by there everyday
for a visit.  Sometimes with the kids
and sometimes not.  We do
"speech" together and he doesn't
like it one bit if I have to miss a day!  ;)
I honestly don't know
how my sister makes it. 
Everything is an issue. 
This is her baby:(
 
A brain injury is vast.
A brain injury is devastating.
A brain injury is so sad.
 
We all miss the old Travis so much
and ache for all that could have been/
should have been/might have been.
BUT........we are grateful beyond
words that he IS here and he DOES
smile AND that there is still
HOPE for him and his FUTURE!!!
 
"For I know the plans that I have for you,"
declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you
and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
 
It's what follows that verse that is so
important on this journey for Travis:
"Then you will call on me and
 come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 
 You will seek me and find me when
you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:12-13
 
I never fully believed or had knowledge
of true spiritual warfare until lately.
I've read about it and believed it,
but never truly witnessed it firsthand. 
I read The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven
after Trav's accident and I was fascinated
by the spiritual warfare aspects shared
in the book.  I was like "wow...that stuff
really exists."  I KNOW it to be true now.
I think Trav's mind and heart and body
are constantly being attacked. 
I could go on and on...I've realized
that little things that happen in my
day that upset me or frustrate me
is the enemy trying to "get" me...
and it often does unfortunately. 
I read in a passage recently that we
should verbally ask Jesus to
"draw near" when we feel like
we are losing it or feeling overly
frustrated.  Well, Travis actually
has REASON to constantly feel
defeated and frustrated.  EVERYthing
is a struggle for him......yet SOMETIMES
he has a drive in him to overcome & to inspire. 
Other times, though, it's just the opposite. 
God AND the enemy know
both these sides to our Superman.
Please pray with me for Travis
to overcome this struggle!!!
He needs God 110% of the time:)
We ALL do!!!!!!

 
I feel like I live a double life.
I have my little family/home life...
and I swear it's perfect to me.  I know
it's really not, but for me and my needs,
it IS.  My children are healthy and happy.
My husband loves me and I love him.
We have a nice home and awesome jobs.
I have the best friends in the world
and the sweetest family ever.
Then there's this life that we lead
with Travis.....it's SO hard.  From day
one of Trav's accident, Troy has
encouraged and helped me to keep things
normal for Walker, Hadlee & Hudson.
We don't want their little childhood
lives to be defined by what has happened
to Travis.  CHANGED by it...but not
DEFINED by it.  I have made a
conscience effort to do this, but it's
tough.  My tears fall easily.  Even
sweet little Hudson when he sees me
crying will say, "TraBis otay, Mommy?"
It's exhausting and it hurts to
see someone you love so very dearly
struggle all the time.  It's difficult
not knowing what the future holds
in regards to Travis.  My parents
are not the same...we all just
ache over this.  We try our
very best, but it's just tough.
I recently read this
"When you pray you will often
weep tears of joy, other times of
grief, but remember my child,
nothing grows without water. 
Tears are lyrics of the heart and
those shed in faith and trust
in me, will spring up a heavenly
garden in your soul for
my beloved earth angels..."
(from Secrets from Heaven)
My dad had tears in his eyes
when I took this picture of him and Trav. 
 
I still can't help but sometimes cry
out to God "WHY????"
Why did it have to be this bad?
Why can't Travis at least talk
or eat or be more normal???
OF COURSE I realize how much
worse it could be, but still.
He's my nephew.  He's one of my loves.
A recent Facebok post of Trav's
read, "After it's all said and done,
that ever present and always constant
question remains.  Why me?"
Shortly after that one, he posted,
"And everyone is hollering, even
my own mind is declaring,
Look what an awesome gift
God gave you."
That last post was sarcastic:(
 
My prayer for Travis...
Surrender to what is.
Let go of what was.
Have faith in what will be.
(Sonia Ricotti)
 
I do feel like God often gives ME answers
to the why's regarding my own life.
Would I have EVER shared my faith
and love for the Lord so openly
before this accident?  Sadly, NO:(
And when those urges come over
me that I "need" something new...
like a nicer home or a fancy purse
or SILLY stuff like that, I am quickly
reminded of what REALLY, truly
matters in life.  With one thought of
my beautiful sister and two handsome
nephews down the road and what
all THEY are enduring, the silly
little things I think I need
VANISH.  I am thankful for
realizations like this, but I still
don't think I needed these lessons
to be quite so dramatic!;)
I cling to and have no doubt
that it will all be SO clear to me
someday...maybe on earth,
maybe not until Heaven.
That's when I'll say....
"AHHHHHHHHHH, that's WHY!"
and "Of course!  Why not him?"
 
God is Good.
I have never once doubted that!
 
"By faith we understand that the
universe was formed at God's command,
so that what is seen was not made
out of what was visible."
Hebrews 11:3
 
So, until all is clear...
I'll continue to love and support
and pray and hope and believe
and be thankful!!!
Especially for afternoons
spent with my two favorite
trouble makers...
Superman and his Sidekick ;)
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
therefore He will rise up to show you compassion.
For the Lord is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!"
Isaiah 30:18

1 comment:

Beth E. said...

I understand those tears, the frustration, and the whys, Mindy. But, my brother's TBI was totally different than what Travis endured. They have some of the same issues, but others are very different.

I can't understand everything you and your family endure on a daily basis.

I praise God for your strength and faith. Remember that we can't control the outcome of anything regarding Travis and Jimmy, and the burden of it all is way too much for us to bear alone. I'm so glad for a heavenly Father who loves them even more than we do. He holds T and J in the palm of His hand.

Love you dearly...