Slammed

That this is God, our God forever and ever. He will guide us forever. Psalm 48:14

The other day Travis was getting out of my car in the garage.  I was standing there helping him of course, but he wants to be as independent as possible...even on something as simple as shutting the car door.  So I was standing behind him and letting him do that.  My main concentration was on keeping his balance and keeping him from falling backwards. 

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1

It still hurts my heart to even think about the following few seconds.  I did not realize that when he shut the car door he had slammed his finger in the door and it was stuck.  When you can't talk, you also can't scream.  When you can't balance yourself, you can't bang on the door with your other hand to let someone know you are in pain.  I swear my heart literally broke right then and there like it has so many, many, many times along this journey.  This mean, ugly brain injury has taken so much from my Travis that I can hardly stand it.  He was okay, but he did admit that it hurt (which he NEVER admits any fall or anything hurts him).  Of course he didn't cry because well, again, the brain injury even took that ability away from him.  But I know he wanted to......and I could bet my life on it that he needs to cry, too.  I didn't tell anyone about this because it just hurt me so deeply on so many levels...probably the least being the physical pain of it.  I cried and cried for days and days silently and out loud. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

To see someone not be able to talk or eat or walk is tough no doubt, but I can accept it.  But to see someone suffer, it's tough.  It's really, really tough.  I watch Travis get slammed constantly...by the wall as he falls, by his friends not coming to see him, by people slamming him with religion, by insurance cutting out on his needs, even by us - his family - when we lose patience with him even though he just can't help it.  To see your once vibrant, independent, FUN, sweet nephew point at letters that spell out, "What did I do to deserve this?"  Well, it's just gut-wrenching.  It's a sucker punch that won't stop happening.  It's like having your finger slammed in the car door and not being able to get it out. 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
   
So I turn to God.  I search and search and long for the perfect answer to the question WHY?!?  Why, God, WHY?  I've come to realize (and actually already knew) that there isn't a perfect answer.  I see famous ministers on TV get asked this question and I hang on their every word.  I search through books that claim to answer the age old question.  Of course the Bible is my best source and it certainly does give answers.  I don't doubt that there IS a perfect answer...but I just know it's not going to be on this side of eternity that I will fully reach the answers for my specific WHY questions. 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.  Romans 8:18

Until then, I take heart when I DO find answers.  As hard as it is to watch Travis suffer, I realize that if there is at least ONE person who has turned their life over to Jesus because of watching the miracle of Travis - meaning they are saved from an eternity in hell, then YES, it's worth it.  This world is temporary.  Eternity is forever.  Suffering in order to save that one person?  In the big picture, yes, it's worth it.  But so far from easy. So many slams. 

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4 

And why Travis?  What did he do to deserve this?  Why our family?  It hurts so deeply to watch someone suffer.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.  James 1:12

"In every situation God is doing a thousand things that we cannot see and do not know."  Often when I am talking about Travis, I tell people how there are so many facets to his story.  It's one about the miracle God performed, about a strong determined young man with a million dollar smile, about the importance of making the right choices, about the love of a family, about the uniting of a community, about the true goodness of God's people, about a young man finding a way to communicate when he can no longer talk, and I could go on and on.  These are the obvious things we CAN see, we DO know.  Just think how many aspects there are that we CANNOT see or do NOT know about.  God chose Travis for a reason.  He chose someone who could make a difference, who could work for God in ways we can't and won't understand this side of eternity. 

For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

Have I come to any answers that will truly relieve Travis from his sufferings?  No.  Do these things help me?  Absolutely.  But I'm not the one living out this suffering.  My heart will ache until Trav's heart no longer has to ache.  Until then, I seek God and He continues to answer me and comfort me.  There is no greater comfort than that.  Please pray with me for the "slams" to ease up on Travis so he can perhaps get to a point that HE, too, feels and seeks God's comfort and answers. 

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray.  James 5:13